the spot

its HOMECOMING yall =D

2010-11-01T13:46:00.000-07:00

so yea, the title of this post was probably the happiest I felt for the entirety of MY homecoming weekend. But in order for you to understand the events of this weekend I have to take you back to earlier last month...

So the second weekend of october I traveled up to a nearby university to see their homecoming concert. Simple enough right? WRONG! It took the grace of God and a lot of phone calls to get me up there but by bumming a ride and arranging a subsequent pickup I made it there. I was hella pissed, but nevertheless I still made it there. So when I walk up to find my friend she is accompanied by her boyfriend and his friend. Now lets keep in mind, I am still pissed and you can read that I am pissed on every fiber of my body. But I try to behave and introduce myself to her boyfriend and his friend. Said friend is about 6'3" decent looking, swag is ok..blah blah blah. I surveyed him in about 2 min and decided that I would not approach him because 1)I didnt come looking to talk to anyone and 2)Idk ish about him or his life so if something were to go down and I have some ratchett chick coming for me cuz I talked to her man was not an option. So the day progresses and we start getting ready for the concert. We all ended up being split up in someway or another because we all got our tickets at different times. So midway through the concert my friend texted me and said that her boyfriends' friend (lets call him SOS) asked was I single and could he get my number. So of course Im like yea Im single but why cant he ask ME for MY number? so he came up with this weak line and I decided to let him have it (the number). So the concert ended and we ended up going back to my friend's boyfriend's spot..having a couple of drinks and heading back out to a house party. Now this is when me and SOS connected. O boy can DANCE. so that was us the whole party...off in the corner dancing. After the party I end up staying the night with them and me and SOS had our little conversation all night long. Seems promising right? well....

So me and SOS have been talking, texting, skyping, oovoo-ing nonstop since that weekend. I go up to see him twice since the concert and we chill. So then MY school's homecoming rolls around and I (and my friend) invite the boys up for the weekend. So now at this point im thinking if I am inviting you to my space then I trust you, we are at a certiain point in the "relationship". But then he gets here and its like he has all these preconcieved notions in his head about my school (I attend a PWI, he attends a HBCU) and starts withdrawing himself from the main events. And then when we were around other people he would have a great conversation with them and be all active...then when we were alone he wants to be all extra quiet. Then this sat I had a little too much water. As the night went on I got progressively worse and one of my other friends had to basically take care of me the entire night. What they were mad about was the fact that SOS never really helped a lot...due to the fact that he was gone himself.

So the result of this highly anticipated weekend was virtually no one-on-one time with him...me getting more watered down than ever and me and him in a weird place right now...idk how I am gonna approach this but we need to talk this out and see where we stand with each other...are we talking like where do we stand because idk what to do at this point.

Happy Homecoming :(

Dos Mas Semanas.....aye dios mios!!

2010-08-05T22:14:00.000-07:00

Okay so I have exactly 2 weeks until I move into my SINGLE room!! Too ready man, too ready. Today I spent the entire day with my aunt....and discovered there IS a such thing as too much quality time. Like really -_- But I separated the bad from the good and overall it was a successful and relaxing day. Lord knows I needed it because Mickey D's is killing me. I am sooo tired when I come home from work, not to mention I have enough grease stains all over me to last a lifetime. But I am happy that I have a job; however this is my DIRECT motivation to do well in school and get my degree. Minimum wage is NOT for me and I would much rather use my mind to do mental labor than use my body to do physical labor. I know I sound like a wimp but I dont care. Things have GOT to change.

In addition to my growing anticipation towards heading back to school, my family just had our reunion this past weekend. It was great. I got to see my mother and grandmother and best of all my nephew. He is the greatest little boy and I loved spending time with him. I will try and post a pic of him later because he is just too cute to not share with the rest of the world. As far as the actual time I spent with my family, that was fun too. We actually just chilled out most of the time; played cards and stuff. That may sound boring to you guys but it meant the world to me. I love doing stupid stuff like that.

Now time for some random swag ish:
Ex Boo-me and him are cordial, idk if I had let you all know or not. But in addition to us never ever being able to see one another his attitude is not suitable for me. He wants to "do him" so much that maybe we are better off being apart. And apparently this chick he was supposedly all in love with is his cousin and he was trying to make her boyfriend angry. Sounds like a lie to me but I will give him the benefit of the doubt. If I find out different he gonna have hell to pay though, thats all I have to say. I still care about him more than I should..almost brings me to tears some days. But I keep reminding myself that we broke up for a reason so I should just let it be. I really would like to be friends but if he doesnt want to put in that effort either then fuck em. yea i said it. lol

Chicas-They still doin they thing. reunion is underway:)

Brothers-one still on lockdown but in the mean time I gained a nephew and a niece (will post photos later)..yea he was knockin em out right?? lol. The other brother is currently trying to decide what direction he wants to go in with his life. I will continue to pray for him because I know in my heart of hearts that he will do the right thing for him.

Chickadees (my name for the college buddies)-doing great. The don B came down to visit for the first day of the reunion and met a lot of my family. Glad she was able to participate:) AC is busy as always and I am extremely happy to report that her and her boo are still going strong. Gotta love black love:) and miss CMA is doing well too. still working hard. I cant wait to see them all again...I think we will try and go to the beach b4 school starts..hopefully.

My ace-idk what is up with her. She always told me she wanted me to keep it real with her but when I do she acts as if she doesnt care about what I have to say or gets defensive. She doesnt have reasons for a lot of the things she has begun to do and I really dont know what to say about her. I just dont know. So she will stay on my prayer list as well. (and dont hit me with that hypocrit ish cuz he aint through with me yet!!)

Deperately hoping that I get this car by october, like not even playing. I NEED it. it is at the TOP of my prayer list. gonna pay my tithes sunday...bout to be broker than broke but I owe it all to Him so I guess I better stop complaining and be thankful.

But you guys..im getting sleepy...I have work in the morning and that ish is HARD (tasha mack voice) But I will leave some reminders to blog about next post.

-Alicia Keys
-Memori
-Family photos
-weight loss plan/self perspective
-online class search/results
-goals for next yr
-Mickey D's -the environment
-Rashad and Mikey
-should i start a tumbler?
-Laquetta and her life
-should i type up my book and post?

Until then...chuckin up the duecez

Pretty Brown Eyes

2010-07-19T23:01:00.000-07:00

I titled this post as that because I have literally been listening to that CLASSIC song by mint condition on and off all day. I love it, most likely because it appeals to me (since I have brown eyes) and people always fall in love with the chicks that have those "light skinned" eyes. I have brown eyes and they are beautiful just the way they are:)

So now that im done with my pointless rant let me give you guys an update. I finished the last leg of my class today yay!!!! I spent 7 hrs in the library doing an assignment that I had over a month to complete. Today marks the end of my ridiculous procrastination. Now that I actually see it typed out, I see how stupid I was being by wasting all of that time. I am confident that the work I did today was good, however it could have been superb if I just managed my time a little better. But like I said, the procrastination stops today.

In addition, I have been working out lately and feeling the effects (aka the soreness in the morning) so if I dont have anything else, at least I know im doing that. But lately I have been taking a break from working out...tommorow morning I start my plan again...walking with the bestie in the mornings and tae-bo at night...getting fit for me. Im tired of breathing hard trying to walk up them hills at school!

And I found a job. Its working on the grill at mickey d's. Much different than the job I had at Rite Aid but I need a job. And its not so bad. I really like my coworkers so far and now that they fixed the air conditioner its much better behind the scenes. and the best part is I dont know anyone there so its a completly new experience. Im looking forward to coming back on the weekends:)

I made up with the ex boo thang. we are not back together but we are civil to one another. we established that we do still care about each other but us being together as a couple just wont work. I think thats good enough for now...

My lil bro's b-day is in two days (technically one since im writing this post at 2:30 in the morning) and I wanna take him somewhere to do something for just the two of us; i miss that bro-sis time..

so i get back to school in exactly 1 month...too ready. But in the mean time, i will be getting a few things for my room and getting my schedule perfect...school comes first!!!

well thats about it you guys...im out:)

And THIS little piggy went DOWN :(

2010-06-07T18:16:00.000-07:00

so yup. I finally managed to hurt myself on these freaking stairs in my house. I slipped on them and severely caused some internal bruising on my big toe (left foot). Hurts like u know what and I cant walk on that foot.

In addition, I have a ton of online work to do for my class and my aunt has been on my tail about it. uneccessary yelling :(

Still mad at ex-boo. Apparently he didnt care as much as he acted like he did or he wouldnt be acting like we never even met. ugh, just yank my heart out why dont ya? Sucks that im a sucker for romance, despite my futile attempts to not let others in so easily.

Friends are good, missing my buddies from college but reunion is underway!! yay:) the chicas are still doin their own thing, so i will continue to do mine. but when august rolls around, best believe we will be meeting back up. I miss those chicks.

Still trying to cope with my disfunctional family. So much is going on right now; grandma sick, cousin sick, mother is ugh, lil bro needs guidance, big bro on lockdown. Only Jesus is getting us through it all, I know that deep in my heart:)

Oh yea, my obsession with Trey Songz? Lets just say I need to meet the real guy.

Currently looking for a basketball team to root for. kinda goin for the celtics but the bucks have sentimental value. I will make my decision soon though:)

Dont have anyone new in my life but I will introduce the existing ones as potentials.
Potential #1-Dude from the sticks. Military man:) gotta love it. He is on the backburner right now cuz I think he playing games. So we will have fun playing this touch and go thing ey?

Potential #2-Oldie. we dated b4 but we broke up on good terms. He wants a relationship, I want to be friends. He is basically the perfect guy, but im not physically attracted to him (that much; some days I just dont know:) and I am not comfortable with our age diff (he is about 4 yrs older than me) Bt we will see. If he is still in my life some yrs down the road then i guess its meant to be.

Oh yea, my online class is going great:) Im getting positive feedback but I have to bring my grade up by just a few points. Im sitting at a B+ and aiming for an A. not an A- but an A. Wish me luck:)

Well that about wraps it up! Until next time-misslex

Major Update:)

2010-05-25T22:03:00.000-07:00

So yup yup, def have a LOT to tell you guys:)

-school
-boo
-friends
-life in general

so first order of business: school. This school year was absolutely terrible!!! At times I reconsidered whether I should be at this school or not. Like could I really handle it, was I cut out for this work or was I kidding myself? I went through high school as the smart kid and completely on top of the world in everyone's eyes. Comparing that time to now , it seems as if my academic life has taken a 180. Gone are the wonderful grades that came easy with just a little effort. At most I would only have to put in a few hours of serious studying to ace a test with the highest grade in the class--doing that in college will surely get me one of the lowest grades in the class. This past academic year has been a learning experience. It is like I am at the bottom of the barrel again like when I first moved--I had to prove myself to my teachers as well as my peers that I am indeed capable of excelling at this level of work. However I know that if I did it then, I can certainly do it now. I was being lazy at times this year and have also realized that I need to work on self discipline. In highschool, at most an assignment was due at the end of the week, which put me on a strict time schedule that I had to adhere to. If I didnt, I would be punished by teachers appropriately. Therefore I did my work and did it on time. In college, you are given your assignments at the beginning of the semester and it is completly up to you to adhere to your own strict (on lax in my case) schedule. This was definitely reflected in my grades. But this summer I am taking an online class and I WILL make an A in it---I have none of the distractions of college and all of the strictness of being home, but all of the freedom of taking a college class. Hopefully I will get on a schedule and stick to it because I am all out of options. I cant keep making excuses for myself as to why I havent been doing well. Its up to me and if not for anyone else, I will be successful in obtaining my degree WITH honors for myself.

Next order of business: boo
-So yea, we broke up. Big whoop. And to think it was right after valentine's day? well on my spring break in march to be exact. I felt that he wasnt meeting my needs. I got no more of the attention I got in the past and he seemed so much more defensive when I would ask what he was doing and start calling him on his BS. So of course that leads me to think that he was being sheisty. Not that I ever accused him of anything. I never brought up the subject at all, but yet I found him defending himself in a trust arguement when I never even brought it up. I tried to be the trusting girlfriend and look where that got me...possibly cheated on. I still dont know the whole story, but it is definitely in my intentions to learn it all before the summer is over, you can best believe that. I miss the good times on the sad days or when I see other couples furiously proclaiming their love for one another on facebook. stale face to that. speaking of love, I have 2 things to say on that. I guess I really didnt deeply love him like I was afraid I did because I would truly be beside myself right now with my feelings. Yes I am still angry and no I dont want to see him happy with any other girl (I would rather he sit and brood over the fact that he lost such a great girl) but I not that broken up about it. Maybe im still stuck in anger mode that I havent really given myself a chance to be broken up. Time will tell. Secondly, this dude has the NERVE to go and get another girlfriend and flaunt her tail all over myspace (i know i sound childish, but he doesnt have a facebook ok?!) saying he's all in love with her and cant wait to spend time with her again. It makes me really think--did you really love me or where you just trying to hit(which I suspect he is doing with new chick, hence the fast love); how come you have o so much time to spend with her but never had time for me?; why do you post all these statuses about how you miss her and stuff but when we were together, all you could do was post stupid ish like lyrics that demean women or make a mockery of our relationship. I know one thing---I really cared about him and always will, which makes it suck that the feeling may not have been mutual:(

third order: friends
-so in the midst of making really bad grades in my classes, I did manage to make a few really good friends along the way. I wont put their names up here, but you guys will probably get a few anecdotes of the funny things they do and say under possible aliases? Maybe:) Just know that they are great and without them I might not have made it. And dont worry--the two besties I had before are still in the pic and still my chicas. We have been through so much this year as we all conquered our freshman year in college. No longer are we the scared, wide-eyed newcomers on campus but now are the slightly experienced, knowledge having, hook-up getters that are known as college sophomores. Congrats chicas, WE DID IT!!

Lastly: Life in general
-so that brings me to present day. I am currently enjoying my summer at home this summer; taking an online class and reveling at the miracles that God reveals to me each day. I am growing spiritually and in maturity as I become even more refined as a young woman. I dont know what lies ahead for me, but with God behind me, Im sure I can tackle it:)

But alas, I have online work to do tommorow, a ridiculous test to take in the morn (will explain later), teachers to see and business to take care of. So until then-duecez:)

Do you even care...

2010-01-02T20:42:00.001-08:00

So as the new year has rolled right on in, it has really got me thinking. Every year I make new year's resolutions, but in reality do I ever intend to keep them? Do I just make resolutions based on what I thought others wanted me to do or what I thought was acceptable by society? Thats ridiculous!

In an effort to change that, this new year's eve I sat down and thought about what I didnt like about last year, my 2009. Of course it was filled with many happy moments: getting into the college of my dreams, graduating from high school, starting a new relationship that has served to teach me many things about myself as well as others. But in addition to that, I endured my first semester of college; my first time away from home that long and trying to deal with it all by myself. I discovered many things during this first semester: 1-my family is a great support system and tend to do everything in their power to be behind me 100% 2-I dont have to go along with the crowd (in fact its quite easy not to, considering a lot of it isnt that great anyway) 3-my bf can be a butt when he wants to. 4-My friends are also leading seperate lives and some of them may be a little more self-centered than I thought. This lead me to my first resolution

1. I resolve to put myself first this year. All my life I have always focused on what would make others happy, how to not be left out of the loop, before my own happiness. But while I was busy worrying about everyone else, everyone else was busy gettin theirs. So I thought, its high time I realized the same darn thing! One of my very close friends only talks to me once in a blue moon now. She only has time to talk when she is done with all of her stuff and does not respond half the time when she is done. The only time she acted like she knew me was when we came home for christmas break. Then it was like she wanted me to jump when she said jump and if I wasnt telling her what she wanted to hear then she mad. And at christmas, she never said that she didnt want to exchange gifts (which she should have done being that she knew she wasnt bringing anything to the table) and expected to get something from me and our other friend. She got her gift from her but not from me. It wont roll that way this yr! But I did learn one thing from her: To get my priorities straight and do whats important for me before friends come into the picture.

This is also in reference to my bf. It seems as though everytime I came home on a break from school, he could NEVER make time for me. He always had to work or be on his Mothers schedule. I mean really?? He is 18 freakin years old and still acting like he scared to tell his mother he has plans. I feel like if he wanted to see me as bad as he act like he did on the phone then he would have a better way of showing it. So as far as he goes, im done with overextending myself trying to fit myself into his life because it obviously isnt being reciprocated. No doubt he makes me so happy when we are together, but the thing is, we spend virtually no time together anymore. If this is going to work then he is gonna have to "dig a little deeper:)"

2. Im taking better care of my body. I want to get in shape for my birthday and feel proud of myself. I'm tired of feeling like I'm not pretty beside girls who obviously have body confidence. Now i dont hate my body but I know that I could feel better about it so thats what I plan to do..get in shape:) And in the mean time I plan on taking better care of my hair as well as wearing more makeup (strictly eyeshadow and mascara lol) because I feel better about myself when I do and I can focus better (i know crazy, but it works!)

The other resolutions are a little more personal and I'll think about posting them later.

Done venting for now...enjoy:)

Trying to remember the feeling...

2009-12-20T01:21:00.000-08:00

Just got off the phone with my chicas...interesting convo....

so we started the convo with us talking regular and talking about whatever. All of a sudden, my friends start ganging up on me about my school, talking about the sports teams and whatnot (which really was to be expected seeing as though we go to rival schools. came to the conclusion that i need to work on that, the getting mad when they do that)

then we got on F-book and had this epic chat thru statuses. one friend was pretending to be the other and i was being myself..onli exaggerated=D we had some shits and giggles over that and then things got serious as our real convo changed moods. Basically, one friend really pissed me off about how she felt about me and my bf's relationship thinking that im being a silly girl and planning out my life and that she thinks that we shouldnt be together and he is a liar and basically that she hates him and never gave him the green light. It makes me really angry that before she would laugh and encourage and act like she was ok with everything and then renigg on all of that and totally say that she never approved of the relationship since this incident that happened in the beginning. its like she never expects a guy to mess up and that u should never trust your man, even when some signs are pointing against him. I guess thats why she doesnt have a boyfriend and hasnt had one for so long.. not because she cant get one, but because she is afraid to trust..to take that risk. UGHHH!! I am so mad right now...it seems as though she has been lying this entire time...and that she is a really good actor! If she lying about this the whole time or acting or w/e the crap u wanna call it, then what else has she been "acting" about? Should I question our entire relationship because to me it seems as though the real her is coming out..she will show u one side and think an enirely different way.

About to re-evaluate every relationship in my life...the one with my bf...the one with my mother...the ones with my friends...the one with myself. Am i being true to myself and giving my all every day to be the best that i can be??? Because i didnt do that all the time this past semester and at my school...that just dont cut it. Am I putting my friends before my needs even some of the time and selling myself short??? Am I being too trusting of my boyfriend and not using my head but instead my heart???

And my mother is an entirely different story...I am trying to muster up the strength to completely forgive her and move past this. But everytime I do, I never know how to explain to her why I have been avoiding her...why I never want to talk to her. I dont want to be disrespectful but I dont know how I would come off not being disrespectful being that I felt that way. But I will face this before christmas....and def ALL of it before the new year...cuz this is aint gon fly for 2010....

FML...this crap is hard!!

2009-10-05T06:08:00.000-07:00

Soooo not feeling the college life right now. I just got back yet another poor grade on an assignment I turned in. Its like I worked kinda hard on that assn and in return I get a paper with all these corrections on it *not* because I will be able to resubmit the paper and get another grade on it, but so I will improve in the speaking ability. Like she will be able to tell if I have the accent or not on the correct letter when I speak.....Ugh technicalites will be the death of me, I swear!!!! But I am determined to do well in this class if it kills me because this will NOT be a repeat of high school. Here is an overview of how I doing in my classes:

Spanish: Bad
Math: OK
Bio Lab: OK to Bad
English: Who knows???
Bio: Bad
FYS: OK *but hating it :(

alas, no greats :(. Im not used to this kind of feedback and it is making me very angry. My academic world is in a shambles and if I wasnt so hyped up off of espresso right now, I would probably be having a mini breakdown. It seems like everyone wants and expects me to do well here, and I'm not. I feel like im letting everyone else down and most importantly, Im letting myself down. But I WILL do well in these classes if it kills me, I just have to! (and it may very well kill me haha)

In the boo dept: IDK whats going on. It seems like he wants to take things to the next level (not THAT level) and I am afraid to. I dont think im ready for a committed dependent relationship because I get destracted easily and will be thinking about him all the time. I will also never want things to be bad. IDK, things are just crazy right now and I dont think I know exactly what I want in that department. Ugh!!!!

raining today=automatically sleepy. Thinking about skipping math recitation today....I wont be able to focus anyway because I dont have my calculator. I might just go and work on other stuff.

Update: met a cute dude this wknd and didnt get his number because I am a faithful girlfriend=D ....see I can be good too!!! Too bad though cuz he was a stunna and had dimples to match! (I am a sucker for dimples, so if Trey Songz came and asked for it right here and now, he could get it, and those dimples of his play a large percentage in why I would melt in his arms! haha)

But until then...signing off. Be back another day.

TRUST ISSUES!!!

2009-08-16T22:20:00.000-07:00

well well well, high school drama still tries to follow even after you gone, wow.

so how bout this little girl goes out with one of my friends who graduated with me and she is on that straight up distrustful mode. she is younger than him (a senior in high school to be exact) and he just went to college so you know how that goes. SO.....me and my girls just recently found out that they were together all summer and we got a kick outta that. they are an unlikely couple. so I posted a status saying that ppl coming out of the closet with they stuff now. so the girlfriend, in a jealous rage messages me and my girl saying that we need to hop of his jock, blah blah blah.

I HATE when girls get like that.

1st mistake: dont come at me cussing me out because you paranoid about your relationship status. wrong choice to make. you dont wanna cross me cuz im too good at this game. too grown for that :)

2nd mistake: if yall have the rock solid relay like you say then yall should trust each other just a little bit more ya dig. so the person in question of being childish is NOT me hunni, but indeed you hunni child.

3rd mistake: dont insult my intelligence. point blank period. ESPECIALLY if im going to college and you still in high school.

growing apart but closer at the same time

2009-08-12T20:46:00.000-07:00

<-------This is my super cute comforter that I taking to college. Just one of the reminders of all the reasons I am getting more amped every day. Today, well tonight I went out with my girls because one of them is leaving to move into her dorm tommorow. I noticed tonight even more that we are growing apart if not already grown apart. Like when we went bowling it seemed that one was really serious about doing well and into the whole competition of it all; the other was worried about not being embarrased in front of others. Now MAYBE im wrong, but i was initially under the impression that when people go bowling, they go to have a good time and just let go. Unless you belong to a bowling league, it shouldnt be so serious, just about having a good time. It kind of annoyed me at first but i tried not to think about it and they eventually lightened up and we ended up having fun.

OMG----->major update: the boo said it. those three words. well he wrote it. on mi calculadora. oh so happy but not at the same time----ughhhhh what do i do. signing off for tonight :)

Randomize :)

2009-08-11T19:49:00.000-07:00

tax free weekend was GREAT :)

I got a lot of the things i needed and some things that i just wanted. It was great. I actually love shopping; i truly believe that it is very theraputic lolz :D

I leave for school in a week and i am anticipating move in day and getting everything set up and in place. I love setting up new places.

Sitting here watching Daddy's girls, the simmons girls' show (Angela and Vanessa). They are a trip....girls with money, I swear it=funny :)

Kinda falling into the dereon craze/aeropostale craze. But I far from being a label hoe, dont worry:)

Ive realized that I dont have to plan every detail about my upcoming college life....that maybe i should just let things happen. all too often i have become too caught up in doing everything else along with what i should be mainly be focused on...in this case school-and end up neglecting my own tasks. i think now that if i focus on school and doing well the rest will just fall into place....sounds like a plan right?

I also realized that i have been thinking a lot about love and all that type of thing, and for now i have decided that I am not in love...but in a comfortable place that I am not willing to give up easily. Love is actually a big thing and just because you make a commitment to someone doesnt necessisarily mean that you are in love, just that you dont want to share, lolz.

still left on the list to get:

-tattoo
-printer
-slouch boots
-tights
-perm ;*

so until then, duecez :D

La vida loca

2009-07-29T18:55:00.000-07:00

went shopping today...thats always good for the soul in my eyes.

first point i want to discuss is the way that some parents choose to raise their children. I know a parent who is constantly fussing and reprimanding in their care, but then at the same time they are infact enabling them to act out. Parents, parents parents....if you are gonna give your child the lighter to burn you with, then dont be angry with them when you are nursing your wounds because it is in actuality--all your fault!!! jeez, wake up and start being a real parent and not an enabler.

another point would be of how to deal with the destruction of those around you that you love the most. someone very close to me is destroying their life one day at a time, and it seems as if i can do nothing to help them out. If I tell them that what they are doing is wrong, they will only think that i am preaching to them. if i sit back, then i feel like i am not showing that i care enough. any advice?

next issue: the boo. my emotions towards him are up and down everyday. I miss him some days and other days i am soo pissed at him that he is the last person i want to talk to. i hate that my emotions have become so closely tied to him because then it becomes harder for me to be able to let him go. but I have seen that I have been letting my days and goings on be defined by what he wants to do, and lex dont play that lolz. I read in a blog today to not let someone else be the victor of your emotions because you yourself ultimately control them and it should always be that way.

well thats all for today, deucez

lets keep it proFRESHsional plz (shout out to u PB)

2009-07-17T17:46:00.000-07:00

in a really good calm mood right now. I got some more of the things im gonna need for school today, including the cutest umbrella that my parent hates (they think it too cheap to hold up, but i will show them different, lolz).

I was doing some reflecting or rather thinking about the type of person I will be in the future in reference to how I will treat other ppl. Today i was very annoyed while i was trying to pay for something because the person i was trying to pay back had absolutely no idea how much i owed them. I was rather pissed because something that should have took a max of 15 min ended up takin about two hrs. I decided right then and there that when it comes to handling other ppls money, i will definitely have my stuff together because nobody likes their money to be played with. THAT crap annoys me, so i know it annoys other ppl. Its just not professional and as many ppl know, i likes to keep it PROFESSIONAL!!! lolz

aside from that, i met this super cute dude today at the store when i was buying a flash drive and man i was sooo close to giving him those digits but i didnt because i got a boo. I would never do that to him because..its just wrong ya know? but that didnt make the guy ugly, ya feel me? lolz.

I also realized during my quiet time that I will really miss some ppl when i go to school. like the besties and mi familia and of course the boo. i have no idea how that will work out or how we will make it work. hopefully he will get some type of transportation to visit......maybe????

soo psyched to see the harry potter movie and if that makes me a geek, nerd, dork or all of the above i dont care because im still gonna be excited about it. well time to log off now, so until next time :)

Los Jugadores

2009-07-16T20:08:00.000-07:00

Just got off work a while ago. My day was pretty good

I slept in today and then had to rush to work, where i worked with basically the greatest manager ever. i got my work done and was very easy going for the whole shift. oh yeah, tried beefaroni (probably spelled that wrong) for the first time today and it was pretty good :)

and person B that i gave a little shoutout to in the last blog wasnt really trippin, just sleepy, so i kinda just take back all of that anger. they still flipped the trip switch but i will count that due to being sleepy cuz i know i get the same way when im sleepy.

and just a heads up to future me....the boo might be packing!!!! lolz

but subject of the day is gettin played. even if not in the most general sense. for the puroses of this blog, i will focus on getting played on that romantic type ish. In my opinion, you can get played in two ways: 1)letting somebody use you 2)letting someone manipulate you and your feelings aka lying

in the particular case that i am discussing, a person that i know in my opinion, is getting played by this guy. he is basically manipulating her and using her vunerability to his advantage for his own twisted pleasure. I have never seen her in this state, and given this guy's background, i dont really trust him. Point blank period, ladies dont let these dudes use you for their entertainment. you are not a television, and if they are that hard up on entertainment, tell them to go to a baseball game or something. but dont let them use you.

stuck on trip mode

2009-07-16T08:49:00.000-07:00

It seems as if lately, the ppl around me have been stuck on trip mode. Most of the time when ppl trip on you it:

1)has nothing to do with you, but instead everything to do with what has gone wrong in their world
2)has everything to do with why they are not getting what they want from you, be it attention, food, money, etc.

so yeah, certain folks in my life have been getting angry at me because i have not been catering to their every need or working my butt off to please them. NEWSFLASH---i dont have to do that ish! nobody else in their right mind lives in one-sided relationships but for some reason i am expected to.

dear person a-dont call me disrespectful if the person living with you gets more respect from you than you have for yourself. i have tried to keep up that level of respect with you, but point blank period--you gotta show some too

dear person b-just because i am not in place when you decide you are in place does not give you the right to cop an attitude with me. because all those times when i was trying to give ur butt some attention, you were off doing whatever. so check ya tude, k?

dear persons c and d-it aint gonna be like it was before. point blank period. you need to accept that. cuz i did a while ago.

firsty!!!

2009-07-15T21:29:00.000-07:00

so yeah, this is like my first real blog. i was inspired to start it for two reasons:
1) instead of posting vids on youtube
2) i was inspired by another persons blog

so...blogging seems like a good outlet for whatever is going on in my life. i will try and post something at least once a week. it will probably be more than that at first, lolz. well im out-lex